Supporting Trans Kids
What is the best way we can support LGBTQIA youth?
I’ve been working with adolescents for about 10 years and this is something I think about often.
I love working with older kids as they uncover and discover parts of themselves, offering a safe place to process and explore the many facets of who they are becoming as they grow up. And I love seeing so many parents and caregivers out there shouting their support and love, especially in a political climate that can feel so scary.
Over the years I’ve come to believe that one of the best things we can do to help our kids (ALL kids) is to work on our own stuff. Parents who are self-aware, emotionally regulated, and who feel supported and cared for themselves are much more likely to show up in a calm, authentic, and gentle way with their children.
But sometimes there isn’t a safe and supportive place for parents of LGBTQIA kids to process their own feelings and baggage that can come with the shift in what we imagined our child’s life would be. This is especially true for parents of trans kids.
The parents I’m referring to are not the ones who are shaming their child. I’m talking about supportive parents who absolutely love their child no matter what. The mama and papa bears who advocate and defend and fight to give their child everything they need.
But these supportive parents need a place to feel their own feelings so that they can return to their child with all the loving support that they need to thrive.
A place where it’s not just ok, but completely normal to feel confused sometimes. To grieve for the child you thought you had. The life you thought they were going to lead. For the ways you were completely unprepared for their identity, their sexuality, or how they need to show up in the world.
Because the world you grew up in is not the one your child lives in now, and it’s ok if you need a safe place to process your own feelings. The same way they need to be loved and accepted completely as they are, you do too.
It reminds me of that story about flying in an airplane when the flight attendant tells you that if there is a sudden drop in cabin pressure, to put your mask on first before you help children and others around you. It goes against our instincts to put our own needs first - we would do anything to help our children. But putting our mask on allows us to stay healthy and strong for them. Therapy is a wonderful way to put your own mask on so that you can continue to show up for your children as your most loving and supportive self.
